This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
