Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
