I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
