I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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