i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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