U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
