This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
