Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
