I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
