i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
