first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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