i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
