I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
