So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
