Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
