There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
