he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
