you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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