I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
