i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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