I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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