Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
are you so shy because you have an std?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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