At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
