Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
