This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
