Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
