I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
