I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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