This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
