did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think i have herpe
just one?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
