too bad you live with your parents still
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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