I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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