should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
