Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
