I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
