if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
