I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
