I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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