the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
