she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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