so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
