But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
