I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
