im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
