I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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