Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
