those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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