please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
