Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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