I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
