Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
