I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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