What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
