She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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