He uses pillows to masturbate.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
